Prologue: On Men & Mates (and the women who provide them)
Chapter 1: So, let’s start with Husky!
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Chapter 2: And then there was ‘Mamen’
Though Husky (from chapter 1) was the first boy I saw, Mamen was way down in the line - nevertheless, I feel like writing the ‘Mamen story’ at this point.
‘Mamen’ (not really his name, but we’ll come to that shortly) came highly recommended. And I mean highly recommended. He had just returned to the country (after some many years) and was on route to his hometown shortly.
In fact the friend of my mum’s - let’s call her ‘Hillary’ (yes, I’m reading too much US politics these days) - who organized our meet, boasted that she had pulled off some sort of coup in getting him to meet me first, before any of the other women’s daughters - who, had he gone to the hometown first, would have definetely “pakrao-ed him” (Pause to go: Yipee!)
I was told to go to Hillary’s house to meet Mamen. All of the other boys I have met (before & after) have come to my house to meet me. Few exceptions - the ones who I have met from out of town (Husky & another one, who we’ll meet later on) and - Mamen.
The meeting was weird right from the point go.
Firstly when I reached there, present was Hillary, her husband and of course Mamen - all whom, naturally I was expecting. But there also was, another lady - no relation to Mamen, but a relation of Hillary’s who had come to see how things went! AND this relation’s daughter, a girl of about 25 years, who also apparently was clued in on the whole thing.
I was a tad annoyed at these extras being present - I felt like I was acting in some strange live theatre - and the (annoyingly interactive) audience were very voyeuristic.
Add to this Hillary is making eyes at me all the time & trying to ask me what I think of Mamen (and yes, he’s in the same room as us all the time).
Further all, little miss 25 year old and her mother are asking me all sorts of questions. They were nice people, but given the situation, I was feeling very un-natural & annoyed with all the extra interrogation.
End of very weird meeting #1.
Post meeting #1:
If I had my way, I would ideally like to first meet a boy alone & see how we get along, whether there’s any chemistry, whether we’re on the same wave length etc. But apparently Mamen wanted this crazy meeting at Hillary’s house (I’m not sure he bargained for additional aunt/daughter team) as he wanted me to “see him” first before I decided whether I wanted to go out with him or not. And vice-versa also I imagine.
Given Hillary though, as you can imagine, before I even reached home, my mum had been informed that Mamen had approved of me (Pause for second: Yipee!) and that now, “the ball was in my court”.
As I said earlier, Mamen had been awarded “highly approved” status and “girls were lining up” for him and I was so blessed to “have a go” at him first. So blessed was I, my mum & I were dutifully informed by Hillary, that Mrs. I-wear-only-branded-saris had even sworn to have her daughter give up her job to marry Mamen (apparently Mamen didn’t want to marry into profession of said daughter).
Blessed me indeed. (Pause for Yipee! 3)
So not really having any other choice, I agreed to meeting #2 with Mamen.
-x-x-x-
Meeting #2 was to be dinner at Mahesh’s Juhu - one of my favorite restaurants. Mamen asked me to meet him outside Hotel Sea Princess (it was the only landmark he knew). Since he was from out of Bbay I agreed.
And Mamen isn’t there at stipulated time. So now, I’m standing outside Hotel Sea Princess, feeling like a hooker (yes, that’s what happens at these Juhu hotels, if you’re not suitably informed) and seriously p-ed o. I call a friend and chat with him on the line, keeping my eyes fixed on my shoes & completely avoiding any eye contact with any cars passing, just in case.
Mamen turns up and is very apologetic (to his credit) and I decide to cut him a break. After all he is new in the city, perhaps he got lost. And he’s gotten me a huge box of Belgian shell chocolates, which is sweet of him.
Dinner at Mahesh turned out much better than I expected - especially after meeting #1 - and I actually had a nice time with him. He was definetely a nice guy.
The only annoying thing was that Hillary kept calling me - DURING the dinner - to ask how it was going. Seriously, very very annoying! Other than that though, as I said, I had a nice time.
Post meeting #2:
I got home & my poor mum was forced to call Hillary up and tell her how things were (I ignored all her calls after the first one & then she kept calling mum to see if I had gotten back)
When mum mentioned he gave me chocolates, she was forced to describe the size and type - and Hillary made much of the fact that they were Belgian chocolates. We are all very impressed and very Oh-la-la apparently.
Anyway I try to keep in mind that Hillary is really doing all this for me (and she is, no doubt) & I shouldn’t be annoyed with her. Besides it was a fun night.
UNTIL…
Mamen calls up Hillary and tells her he’s ready to marry me. Hillary of course, instantly calls back - and is expecting an answer from me.
Yes, seriously.
It’s a Marry Me Now situation (this is how we, & I mean I, brilliantly, coined the name MaMeN).
Anyhoo, mum thankfully convinces Hillary to let me meet Mamen again. And this leads to:
Meeting #3
I’m a bit stressed at this point. Between Mamen wanting to marry me instantly and Hillary wanting me to answer instantly, I was so put off that I didn’t even want to meet him again.
I reminded myself though that I had a nice time with him the last time & so I agreed to meet him for coffee. As fate had it, we bumped into a friend of mine at the coffee shop - and again we all had a nice time. I was happy to see how well Mamen fit in with friend, his ease with the whole situation.
I was beginning to even like the guy a little,
UNTIL…
Post meeting #3:
later that night Mamen calls up me up directly (I guess we’re both fed up of Billy’s Hilly by this stage) and asks me “what my answer” is.
Yes, seriously.
I tell him that I like him - and I am willing to see where it would go - but I am not the sort of person who can make such a big decision in just three meetings.
Mamen tells me that this is how it’s done in (name of his hometown).
I tell him that that’s all well and good, if people can decide so fast, good for them (& I do know a few who’ve done things like this, so no disrespect) but I’m just not like that.
But he’s pushing and pushing and pushing for an answer.
Finally I tell him, “the only answer you’ll get from me if you want one right now, is No“.
End of conversation. I am:
Drained.
Annoyed.
Tired.
Dreading - having to talk to Hillary the next day, which of course I had to.
Apprehensive - of the possibility that mum may not like that I’ve said no to such highly approved boy, but mercifully didn’t get too much grief from there.
Irritated - with Mamen for pushing me.
but finally,
Relieved, that I had made the right decision. He was a nice guy, no doubt about it. But we were from two different worlds - he couldn’t even get why what he was pushing me to do was so difficult for me.
———————–
Wait, there’s more.
Mamen apparently feels bad a few days later & tells Hillary that he wants to meet me again. I’m so annoyed by this stage that he couldn’t call & talk to me directly that I just tell Hillary no. Enough is enough I finally decide.
And I shortly hear from Hillary that Mamen got married the very next month.
I guess he really wanted to get married instantly.
———————–
[Stay tuned for more updates in the 1800-HUSBAND-FOR-MELL series! All true stories unfortunately. Names have been changed, though why I want to protect the identity of some of these guys is a mystery even to me]
Tags: Aunts, Fast Movers, Instant Attraction, Love-at-first-sight, Mamen, Proposals, Single Women
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May 22nd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
lol.. I just got an idea.. there’s this serial How I met your mother.
You really could be the star of the movie, How I met my Husband, with these 2 clowns Husky and Mamen, I’m sure it would be a hit.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
The only annoying thing was that Hillary kept calling me - DURING the dinner - to ask how it was going. Seriously, very very annoying! Other than that though, as I said, I had a nice time. haha - would have been such a no(i)sy dinner date
Well, such a big decision expected in minutes - maybe NO was the best answer. Well, not maybe but it definitely was I think.
Nice coinage btw - Mamen n Hillary.. Whoz next - Obama? or Bobby Jindal
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Remember what I said a long time ago about the condo in hell with your name on the key tag?
You’re not even getting a condo now!
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Great post. Anyone (including me) who has been through this method of finding a ‘life partner’ can definately relate to the story. Are we Indians conditioned to be expected to make suge a big decision about the rest of our lives in such a short space of time? Is society ready yet to allow people to ‘date’ for a while to get to know each other before making a decision or is there still pressure that if people have met at least 3 times then they should be ready to make a decision?
What people don’t realise is how stressful and emotionally draining this whole proces can be for the girl and boy especially with all the pressure that family put on peple to give an answer.
At a recent family wedding I pointed out a girl who is distantly related to me to one of my cousins and vica-versa. That’s as far as it should go for introductions and if the two people are interested in each other it should be left to them how they get to know each other after before getting families involved and making decisions.
Look forward to reading more of your experiences Melody.
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:21 pm
My mother would say ” that is why we never asked the girls in those days”. Better luck next time!
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
OMG!!!!! I couldn’t stop ROFL!
And to think of if you endured all this!
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I trolled onto this site because for some reason yo followed me on twitter. !!
OK I am out of tune with the culture of Bombay and India. So please bear with my question. The way you describe this story reminds me of some old Hindi movie. From what I understood, arranged marriages were a thing of the past.
This is the 21st century. Yep, yo article is kinda is an eye opener.
Sub’ed to your RSS
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:55 pm
now that I am following ur “story” for the past 3 posts, I am kind of starting to look at things from the other side.
My marriage to my wife was “as-everyone-likes-to-call-it-back-home”, a love marriage and so i was unfortunate not to experience the so called routine of “going to gal’s homes, stuffing yourself with snacks, chatting/flirting with them” and then proceeding to the next one in line.
Though it may sound MCPish, i was envious of my wife’s cousin (the typical US guy visiting India looking for a partner) who was going through this routine. He practically did a South India tour visiting probable partners and finally chose the last one he visited. But, there were rumours though, that he had already “decided” on that girl and purposefully kept her visit as the last one in the itinerary!
Anyway, looking forward to the next story…
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:39 pm
This was an entertaining post.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:52 am
LOL - reminds me of my time when I had to meet women. And I had a very very similar experience (of course from guy’s point of view), where this common lady was hell bent on knowing how it went. She would call every 10 minutes we were talking, and then insisted on phone that I should say yes immediately and get married… it was a hilarious time of my life though.
Enjaay it - if not anything, its good blog fodder
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Don’t these guys know your claime-to-fame as the woman whose voice from inside her head is capable of typing so as to render life episodes as widely popular blog posts?
PS: How I hate long questions!
May 24th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
So there is this perfect time lap with girls?
I asked a girl out too late once and I lost her to a doofus. Some ask too early and end up kicked in the wrong place.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Having gone through some personal circumstances recently, I am just speechless. Why the ’system’, life and culture(?) has to be so rigid? Why does it get so complicated? Why do we have to ‘choose’ someone just because its-the-way-it-is ?
There are pros and cons but ultimately, I can not decide what plays the major role.. luck, brain, emotions..
———
best luck mel.. but the pics in the header reminds me that its gonna be tough for the guy if you have a gun in your hand
jst jokin
May 25th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I’ll agree with Amit! [
]
May 26th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
so why even go out on these crazy dates? somehow it seems like you want this drama!
June 13th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
@ Prasoon: Glad you like. And no was the right answer for me, for sure.
@ Arnold:
Such strong sentiments, when all I do is recount my true life experiences! Sigh. Hugs hon!
@ Chet: Thanks for coming by - and glad you liked the post and could relate to it. From some of the comments, I guess not everyone can relate to it, I guess people who’ve never been through it just can’t understand.
Society is already evolving here in India - and there are lots of people who are on par with western culture & ethics already. However there are so many stratas of society, it’s still hard for many.
My parents are relatively very cool, yet I too have had my fair share of these experiences! Anyway, will keep up the writing (a cathartic release for me!)
@ Revathi: lol and thanks girl! Cya around TVIMH more often!
June 13th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
@ /pd: Well arranged marriages in India are as common as “love” marriages (the non arranged kinds) even in the big cities like Mumbai, much more in the rural villages. Talk to you again soon!
@ Rajaram S: Glad to know I have a “story follower”! Please give me your feedback, will be valuable when I write the book / screenplay for the movie (see comment #1)
And completely lol to your being envious of my wife’s cousin
Love the honesty, HAHA!!
@ Amit: glad you like!
@ Supremus: “She would call every 10 minutes we were talking” - omg, I can just imagine how terrible that was for you. I was quite put off myself!
“if not anything, its good blog fodder” - yes, true, a silver lining indeed.
@ A: Would answer, but the question wasn’t directed at me. And yes, I hate long questions too
June 13th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
@ R.Bhavesh: True, there are pros and cons in both love & arranged marriages. Thanks for your wishes, am sure things will work out perfectly eventually!
@ Harry:
@ Bloodmire: Dates? Well… if you can’t understand, I can’t explain..
June 28th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
The guys you meet may just spend a couple of hours on your blog and know much more about you. On the other hand, you know only a few things you hear from aunties, et al, unless, of course, the guy too is a regular blogger.
Does that not make you some what anxious?