Men: Falling for me. Falling on me. And taking me down with them.

Seriously though, what is it about married friends trying to set up their single friends??? Is it really about helping them find their soul mates? OR is it some twisted ‘I’m chained so don’t you dare still enjoy your life’ attitude?

But let me start at the beginning.

My friend lost her father (may his soul rest in peace) and today was the Month’s Mind Mass (the Mass offered a month after date of death).

Naturally, I was at the Mass with my friend and after Mass, hung around with her while all those attending condoled with her & her family.

It was then time to go to her house (most close friends & family gather at the deceased person’s house after the Mass) & as I’m about to enter the car along with my friend, she goes, “Oh Mell, have you met Random Guy (henceforth referred to as RG)?”

I instantly recognize the tone of her voice & give her an “PLEASE DON’T” look, which of course, she completely ignores.

Instead she calls out to RG, loudly and most obviously. Damn.

RG comes over, quickly and seemingly quite pleased with himself, as if he’s just invented a cure for AIDS.

(It’s just about to get worse now, hold yer breath)

“RG will bring you to my house”, says friend.

“..er..”

“Absolutely”, says RG, “my bike is over here”

This is fabulous. I’m at a Month’s Mind Mass. And I’m being set up with a RG. And I’m being sent off on his bike.

“..er..”

RG seems to notice I’m not consenting (yes, he’s brilliant!). “You’re alright to sit on a bike, right?”, he asks

“Oh absolutely!”, chirps in friend, “Melody loves bike rides” (which is the truth, but not with RGs I want to add. Decency forces me to just make pleading eyes at my friend. Which of course, are completely ignored again).

“So please go on ahead,” friend insists, “We’ll take Aunty very-mac-sounding-name in your place in the car”

Now by this point, every other car had left. Since I hadn’t gone by my own car, I was faced with three options:
(a) Walk - which seriously wasn’t an option, given my heels.
(b) Go by Rick - which isn’t my preferred mode of transportation. Plus it’d mean offending both friend & RG
(c) Go with RG on bike.

(pic for representational purpose only)

Not particularly wanting to go with RG but not seeing any other choice, I sweetly agreed to go with him. Once friend & entourage had left in car, I made it a point to explain to him that she literally set me up with every RG she found & that it should just be ignored. RG nods head at me, as if he understands. I think, what the heck, let’s go to her house already - so after he gives me the go ahead, I sit on the bike.

On the way, we’re riding up a slope.

(keep holding yer breath, this is the good bit)

Now, a normal human being might have just ridden up the slope and been done with it. But no, not this RG!

This RG decides, let’s stop and chat with random person (henceforth referred to as RP) almost at the top of the hill.

So, RG breaks.

And in the surreal seconds that follow, (I think) I hear him say “Hey RP, how are you?”

EXCEPT, that RG has not put his break on or something.

So, before RP can answer, we’re now going Down the slope, Backwards, on the bike.

That is,

Until RG, who’s desperately trying to control the bike, shakes it completely out of balance & now we’ve Fallen.

I’m touching gravel.

And there’s a bike over me.

Really.

At this point, let me say that RG wasn’t really a bad guy and at this stage, as AAAH (no words here!) as I was, I was also feeling a bit bad for him. He seemed like he desperately wanted to impress me & yet, the truth was that he succeeded in dropping his bike over me.

He then asked me a few 100 times if I was okay. My hand (which broke my fall) was feeling a tad bruised but I didn’t think any damage was done, plus he seemed really upset, so I assured him I was completely fine.

By this time RP reaches us. After ascertaining that we were both fine, RP now says, “Anyway, you guys go ahead”

I’m thinking “WHAT THE HEY????”

But she’s looking at me, as if it was the most natural thing in the world that I should dust myself off & hop back onto the blasted thing that was just on me!

RG has already hopped back on bike by this stage and is looking at me.

I look around. Nobody except RG & RP, both who are beckoning me to get on the bike.

Half in a bad dream and half having an out-of-body-experience, I get back on the bike.

Miracles of miracles, we reach friend’s house with no further incident.

Except that RG is now following me like a little lost puppy, calling me “Baba” (??) and insisting on checking with me every 3 seconds if I was okay. He also insists on telling friend about it (I actually told him that I wouldn’t say anything). Friend seems only a teeny-weenie bit perturbed, for less than 2 seconds, and at once brightens up when RG says:

“I’ll take her to dinner to make up for it”.

I’m thinking, “Seriously, you have Got to be friggin’ kidding me”.

After that, I ran away from RG everytime I saw him approach. And I ran away from friends house immediately after dinner.

But not before she offered to have RG drop me home first!!!

Seriously, this is what I’m saying. Have my married friends lost their @&^# brains???

So, I say no, absolutely not, I’ll take my chances with a rickshaw, no matter what the hour. Besides I’m thinking, I do not want RG to know where I live.

And so I come home. And though it’s 3.17 am in the morning - and though my hand still hurts a tad, I type all this for you my faithful blog readers. Just so that you can feel my pain.

Do not, I repeat, do not, let your married friends ever set you up.

Tags: Being-Set-Up, Blind-Date, Married-Friends, Motorbike, Nightmares, Proposals, Surreal-Experiences