Rediff ran this very, um, insightful article today about ‘love at first sight’.
Here are some of the more interesting responses from the article & from subsequent comments.
I believe in lust at first sight, making love at first night and then when she proposes marriage, taking the first flight. — Bharat Dharamwani
This is insane there is nothing called love in this world there are just needs which needs to meet. Most of the girls just flirt around with men all they want is money and security. You will see plenty of examples where the most bad looking boy will have a good girl not because he is good natured but has a good bank balance. yes girls do fall in love at first sight not with you but your wallet. — Mohammed Dilawar
I see beautiful gals and i fall in love…maybe 100 times a day. maybe its infatuation,maybe its love i dont know. but at this rate i think i may never know true love. bohohohooooo….– Girish
Yes i really belive in love at first sight. Every time i see a new girl. i fall in love.. — Gyaneshwar Asha
What Mr. Mohammed Dilawar has written in this article is absolutely true in most of the girls ~ by harbhajan
believe only guys think of this thing too much, For gals only 2 things matters, money and flirting wid guys.
As I know 2 of gals from my University days and they use to flirt wid each and every guy they meet and when the guy start liking them, They use to dump them and they are still doing that.
I know after a year or two, they will get married to one settled guy who must be having lot of money.
So for me love does not exist for gals, Guys watch movies and think there is some thing like Love at first sight in the world and after some bad experiences, they realizes it that their is nothing as such known as love at first sight. ~ by Rajesh
and (imo) the most interesting comment:
I am a Psychologist and this is what I ve got to say …
by Vasanthan BharathyHuge researches at various universities and human behavioral institutes across the world have already been carried out to find if Love at first sight is true or its just lust.
Majority of the studies shows that Love at first sight is true. It works this way. Men or Women when they are single, they constantly keep searching for their partner. At some point when they don’t really get their right match, they start dreaming of their partner. They start dreaming of their looks, style, behavior, Character etc. This dream of them gets registered in the sub conscious mind without their knowledge. Now your sub conscious mind is more efficient than a super computer. What happens after now is pattern search and pattern match. When this boy or girl who has dreamt about their dream partner, meets a person who is closest to their dream, his bells starts ringing.
One small action/ style or speech of a person is enough for the sub conscious mind to determine his/her entire character set. Since much of this happens at the sub conscious mind, we often don’t realize what struck us and what made us fall in love. Most people finally term this as divine intervention.
Love at first sight is very true and very practical.
And, an excerpt from an actual conversation (following the article) between Saks & Me:
Sakshi: I only believe in Lust at First Sight
me: How cynical you are! This is what I believe: besides lust, it could be attraction, infatuation at first sight, not love though.
Sakshi: I dont think so…its always good to be in touch with reality
me: ?
Sakshi: how can you be infatuated with somebody…without being attracted to them? attraction = lust
me: attraction and lust are 2 separate things
Sakshi: well there is a border line difference between the two
Sakshi: but its physical attraction that pulls people together. rests depends on other factors…there have been many instances where two people meet and hate each other but over some time end up being a couple. other factors as in social backgrounds, money, attitude….etc
Sakshi: there are some who have one night stands…now u wont call that love. would you?
me: no def not. I agree with you lust exists.
But the point is that it’s not always Lust
It could be attraction or just infatuation
which then grows to love
Sakshi: the point is its only LUST….
but it depends on you…what to label it as.
Do let me know your take on the above -
* Do you guys believe in love at first sight?
* What are your experiences?
* Are you more likely to agree with Mohammed Dilawar or Vasanthan Bharathy?
Tags: Flirting, Love, Love-at-first-sight, Lust, Marriage, Opinions
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August 29th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Lust at First Sight and nothing else.
August 29th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
naah ..
any matured guy or girl in a relationship (*stable*) can tell its defy not love at first sight ..
i’m no Psycho(logist) but i’m in love
true .. the brain is eventually a (stupid) pattern matching machine .. and as obviously seen in the real world ..
most guys will go after girls with a symmetric face & body, nice contours, the smell (
August 29th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Well, I kind of agree with Dilawar. Specially -
.
But it’s not as simple as ‘Lust at 1st sight’ either. When we come across some pretty face, it’s not that we think about how to get them on bed. There’s obviously physical attraction and we wanna get close and touch them. But that’s NOT lust. We’re not staring at them - eyeballs popping out, tongue hanging out and drooling, ready to slurp them up.
I believe, Love starts from Physical attraction. There’s nothing like ‘love at first sight’. At 1st sight, U can just feel attracted towards the other one, which can eventually turn in to love.
August 29th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I too agree with Sakshi, that most of the times it’s “Lust @ First Sight”…
Yeah, if you want to say it in simple or decent words then you may write it as “Attraction” or “Infactuation” but tell me one thing, how can you be infactuated towards anyone whom you don’t know…???
Guys generally say I like her coz she has beautiful eyes or sexy lips or … but at the end it’s only Lust…
As far as my personal experience is concerned, I too find every girl beautiful in some or the other manner… And most of the times I too land-up attracted (in your language) towards her…
I agree with Mohammed Dilawar has said and as far as Vasanthan Bharathy sayings are concerned, I don’t anything about Psychology so I’m not the write person to comment on it…
August 29th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
I think it could be lust at first sight or infatuation at first sight, the two are very different. Lust could be for anybody, you just want to bang her (pardon my French) but you may not necessarily want to hang out with her - you may find her socially unacceptable, even downright embarrassing. Infatuation is the most illogical feeling, everything about that person takes on a beautiful/surreal quality and you can’t get enough - hard to describe but then nobody needs an explanation.
Love is something far more enduring - you may not even be that attracted to the person but given time you may come to love her - anyone who has actually been in love will know that the mere thought of something as real as love happening at first sight is ridiculous.
August 29th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Lot of confusing overlapping comments.!!!!!!!!!
,so why love at first sight happen with the person of opposite sex only? confuse….
just going with rational way….
If you say its Love:-you mean to say some supernatural divine thing,some attraction or say bondage between “souls”… right??? fairly yes ,since only then u can differentiate and provide a superior degree to “love” on its counter part like lust, attraction ,infatuation etc etc..
so up till now we conclude “love is a phenomena associated with bondage of souls”
But souls don’t have any gender,Am I right??, i guess yes
don’t be. actually its not that Love which we have described,preached to us,
So what it is?
now I think Anshul’s comments is quite convincing
August 29th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
* Do you guys believe in love at first sight?
Of course I do.
* What are your experiences?
About three times a week.
Too numerous.
* Are you more likely to agree with Mohammed Dilawar or Vasanthan Bharathy?
Dilawar is talking about most people. Not all. What he says does happen, but it would be illogical to assume it is the norm. Bharathy’s assertions are not something I have heard of. But about the subconscious bit, I agree.
On another note, rediff message boards are not a healthy place to hang out.
August 30th, 2007 at 5:14 am
Neither agreeing with Mohammed Dilawar, nor with Vasanthan Bharathy.
While Dilawar goes on to show something like there dosen’t exist anything like first gush of emotions, the first look that set off all that adrenaline rush, the pumping heartbeats,
Bharathy, along with his “university research statistics”(yeah, highly reliable, I bet), on the other hand speaks of a scientific thoery, which quite possibly might be right, but not always.
The pont that I’m trying to make here, is that if you look at today, and compare it with the past. Genrations have changed, and so have generation gaps. Media, behaviour, relationships, have begun to take a turn. A turn for the worst, as some might call it. Although, not necessarily true. When it comes to love, with and without first sight, couples often misunderstand themselves. With the advent of mordern thinking, they have seem to forgotten the true meaning of love. As Sakshi points out, lust, stands as the next best plausible candidate for this. There are loads of other factors to be considered namely infatuation, peer pressure, etc. But talking from a more general viewpoint, I think its to blame the rising and highly overrated *westernisation* syndrome. Lust takes it’s place, leaving none for trust, and true love in the process. To the untrained youth, (unexperienced, rather), relationships would start off with physical attraction, leading to lust. In the making, the real essence of a relationship, the mental bonding, trust & understanding remains well off in the shade. Blame it on the generation or the lack of communication, one thing is clear; love & lust at first sight stand way apart. While pure love needs true trust and understanding, a mental level of indifference, the rebranded love - lust that is, needs just the eyecandy, the physically active. Both love & lust exist, making/breaking relationships in their own way.
*sigh*
Enlighten Me O Great Lord;
For I, Even Once, Cannot Stand
Sheer Despise of Thee Soul,
Which Stands before Me;
Stands before Me, Looking for Love.
(pardon the pun)
August 30th, 2007 at 10:09 am
how come a half of my comment is displayed ?! =\
Grrr ..
August 30th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Lust is too strong a word. It is attraction at first sight, physical or mental. Real love will come in much later.
While there are few girls who run after a men’s wallets, exceptions do not prove the rule.
There is one thing I cannot figure out is, why do couples living together for many years, split up after getting married?
August 30th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Love at first sight eh? Utter balderash, I think. Ditto, the discussions on rediff.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Hey… I agree completely with Sakshi…
Coming to Bharty’s comment, it seems to me like a paradox. Bharty says ‘They start dreaming of their looks, style, behavior, Character etc. ‘ and then says Love at First Sight can be believed. Can u draw conclusions on behavior and character at the first sight???
Come to think of it, all said and done, this country is a big racist nation. We talk loads and lengths about westeners being racist, but what are we? We dislike talking to dark looking people, we judge people completely by appearance. How many times have each of us mistaken some high office holding person to be someone ‘off the road’ cos he dsnt look good?! It is very common in India, and we talk of LOVE at first sight?! Sigh! It is lust, lust and pure lust! They get attracted to each other at first sight and then cover up everything else, all the friction they might encounter, in the overwhelming lust and call it love.
IMHO, Love at First Sight is nothing but accepting that v r oxymoron!
August 30th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
In this context, I dug my blog archive and brought up one post that was long buried. Check it out.
August 30th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Love at first sight really doesn’t exist. The attraction felt at that moment is what keeps us going in the evolutionary chain. Procreation. Hence lust .. the quest to mate. Love is one of the side effects that kicks in only later
August 31st, 2007 at 7:50 am
“Love at first sight” just does not happen…
but repeated exposures with the same person will surely make you fall, fall in love
August 31st, 2007 at 8:34 am
@Swen It sounds like you have never been in love! But you may just have hit the nail very close to the head!
@All: Imo One can’t fall in love at first sight because it is more than just an emotion. Therefore one can’t ‘feel’ it at first sight. You can be attracted (not necessarily lust) to someone at forst sight.
I thought that my husband was ‘cute’ when I first saw him. I was attracted to him but not in love with him. (Nor was it lust)
…and yes, I do love him now!
August 31st, 2007 at 11:09 am
@IC
.
I have been in love and it was great. But i tend spoil everything with reason
The attraction you describe was a precursor to the lust. Again ‘lust’ (ignore all negative aspects of the word) is just a human thingy to procreate. Animals have it too . .. but they don’t have such a complex brain to give them a reason for mating ..they just do it.
August 31st, 2007 at 1:00 pm
People don’t love each other at our age, they please each other, that’s all. Later on, when you’re old and impotent, you can love someone. At our age, you just think you do. That’s all it is. - Albert Camus
I personally think Love at first sight is not blind, just harder to see.
August 31st, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Love or Lust who cares.. go ahead give it your hundred percent.. if things have to develop into more than justa few minutes afair then it will…… Don’t ponder over it, make a mess of all the other thought process in your head!!
But personally, I agree with Vasanthan and I must say it is very much a fact.. tried and tested
August 31st, 2007 at 7:14 pm
its all lust at first sight..
September 1st, 2007 at 1:44 pm
@Swen, Sam and Praveen, I suppose the difference between love and lust is the lack of genuine feeling in the latter.
@Kg I don’t know what your age is but anyone at any age is capable of love. It is true though that the older you are the most likely you will realise the genuine love from the infatuation.
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
@IC: teh difference lies not in teh genuine feeling but in the nature of feeling!! isn’t it?
in both cases you do feel something…. but then to really know whether you are in love tune in to Bryan Adams - “have you ever really loved a woman?”, else start singing Akon - “I wanna..”. The latter may come to your mind at one go.. but the former takes sometime… and wen it does akon goes for a toss… see?? the feelings are there.. but they are different!! I hope i was clear enuf!!
September 4th, 2007 at 1:55 am
too much to fathom….
i like the way xkcd put it…
http://xkcd.com/310/
September 4th, 2007 at 10:23 am
@Sam: Point noted. Though I was refering to emotions when I used the word feeling
September 4th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
heck, look at this;
this is a mildly amusing discussion, and not a chewed chewing gum.
absolutely no *point* in stretching it, is there?
September 4th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
and hey, melody;
CAN WE HAVE THE YELLOW BOX OF REPLIES, NOW?
September 5th, 2007 at 7:22 am
What I could analyze from reading the article is that so many men are heart broken and blame women of being selfish!
Nice blog.
September 6th, 2007 at 12:08 am
Long time, no post…?
September 6th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
@ Dragon: Welcome to TVIMH! Have no idea why only half of your first comment showed, didn’t edit any of the comments here.
@ Nishant, M, Swen: Welcome to TVIMH! Hope to see more of you around!
@ Vulturo: OMG!!! The great Saket Vaiya lives!! Am honored great sir!
@ gps: Thx, like the link!
@ Anonymous Archer: Welcome to TVIMH! Actually started replying here because of your second comment, lol
@ Medhini: Welcome to TVIMH! Glad you like!
@ Anu: Yes, been a while since I posted after so long. But, new post is up & have made it a double!
December 30th, 2007 at 8:04 am
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