I love Mumbai city, I always have. Among the many things I love about this city, I love the fact that it is safe for women.
I have always felt safe in Mumbai despite the fact that I have on countless occasions been eve-teased. Sometimes though it does upset me. Once when I complained to a guy I know, he commented to me:
You should take it as a compliment. Everyone knows we only honk if the girl is sexy
This ‘brilliant’ guy is ex IIT & IIM. Educated and rich. Drives a fancy car and undoubtedly has honked at many ’sexy’ girls in his day. If this is how the educated people in our country behave, can we expect anything better from the uneducated?
To many people I know, it seems like the most natural thing to accept that when walking down a road alone or with girlfriends, that men will on passing by - on their cycles or in their Mercedes, honk or say things like “Oye Saxy” or “Hai Darrrling” or “Bea-utifool” (all in miserable accents of course, it almost makes it all comical).
Sometimes it’s not so funny though. I have personally experienced:
(01) Men exposing themselves to me while masturbating - three separate occasions.
(02) Being touched, groped and fondled in public - at least four occasions that come to mind.
My girl friends - every single one of them - have had similar experiences.
I have also experienced, countless times, men (sometimes married men) who’ve asked me out - to the point of harassment - despite the fact that they were senior to me at work.
For those of you who know me, or have been reading my blog for a bit, will know what a prude I am and hence will understand how much more difficult it is for me to admit to having experienced all this.
But today I was shocked.
(Asma, on the right with ther mother Ayesha)
I was shocked to hear about 10 year old little Asma Shiekh who was walking home with her (older) sister Sana & another friend after a tuition class in Chembur.
(they were) followed by a group of 20-year-olds, making obscene gestures at the girls
When the girls tried to cross the road & get away -
the car swerved close to the ten-year-old… Her skirt got entangled in the rear wheel and she was dragged along by the car for a distance before the car reversed, freeing the girl.
Today, a week & some later - Asma has had two surgeries, still sustains severe leg injuries, fractures to her spinal column and might even have to undergo a third surgery soon.
Meanwhile as to be expected, the boys in the jeep - all 9 of them - are claiming it was a “simple accident” and there was no eve teasing involved. The driver incidentally did not even a license.
NDTV’s report on the incident here.
I was so disturbed by this whole incident that I began to wonder if I have not been part of the problem. After all, I have never spoken out about any of the things I have gone through.
I remember one of the incidents when I was groped, I ran into the nearest church and sobbed loudly for the longest time, I felt so very violated. And throughout it all, I had the sickest feeling in my stomach - if I had gone through only this much and yet felt this badly violated - what must rape victims feel?
In between, I also found myself blaming myself for the way I was dressed - I found myself feeling I had provoked him.
Later on, after reading up, I’ve found out that such feelings are natural, some women even blame themselves for getting raped.
However no matter how the woman is dressed, no matter how “easy” her virtues may seem, no man has the right to violate any woman.
In 1991, in State of Maharashtra vs Madhukar N Mirdikar, the court said, “The unchastity of a woman does not make her open to any and every person to violate her person as and when he wishes. She is entitled to protect herself if there is an attempt to violate her person against her wish. She is equally entitled to protection of law. Therefore, merely because she is of easy virtue, her evidence cannot be thrown out.”
I’ve never been able to catch any of the men who’ve been at fault - most times these men come up from behind while on motorbikes or cycles.
Once though, I yelled and ran away once when one man exposed himself to me - back when I was in junior college, early one winter morning - I found out later that people from nearby houses had come out and severely beaten him up. I don’t know why, but though I was so shaken up by the whole thing, I actually felt bad for him.
Another man I felt bad for was a doctor I used to go to once. Somehow I felt that he pressed himself against me unnecessarily and looked down my blouse. It gave me the creeps. Yet, I didn’t want to accuse him of anything - I felt that if I was mistaken, I would be committing the worst crime in the world by falsely accusing someone of such a crime.
Or was it worse that I shut up & perhaps let him continue to do the same maybe to other innocent patients too?
Perhaps it’s my sense of knowing that no one is intrinsically bad that keeps me from judging anyone. But I think in these matters, I should not keep my mouth shut anymore.
I still love Mumbai city. But perhaps we should educate children in schools and colleges that this behavior is unacceptable. That they should make a noise if it happens.
We should all start making a noise then these shameless men will thinking twice before doing these things. Including honking at us unnecessarily.
Harassment on any level is unacceptable.
Tags: Asma-Sheikh, Asma-Shiekh, Ayesha-Sheikh, Bombay, Chembur, Eve-teasing, India, Maharashtra, Mumbai, Rape, Sexual-Assault, Sexual-Harassment, Sexual-Molestation
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July 25th, 2007 at 1:11 am
I agree with you. The problem with the system is that women generally don’t speak up, I think the crowd should (and hopefully will) defend them if they speak out against such incidents.
Being in Delhi I can surely say that women don’t feel comfortable traveling during the night. Maybe Bombay is a different city.
The psyche of Indian Male has to undergo some change, I think slowly but surely it is changing (with women beating him at many places, including work). Now we have a woman President, and a woman controlling the PM, President and the Parliament. The men should actually be afraid now.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:14 am
I completely agree.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:21 am
Its just a sick feeling. I remember having a discussion with a female friend who doesn’t agree that there is something called provocative dressing leading to eve-teasing/rape. I agree! My retort is dont blame the girl for your own bloody desperation. Whatever it is, its a pretty sick thing that these days (and probably earlier also), most men appreciate the neck and below sooner than they appreciate the eyes and above, when it comes to women. Lousy.. but true!
July 25th, 2007 at 2:40 am
its all in the bringing up!
remember the gateway of india incident? how can a whole crowd of 20-30 people go insane over a gal and start groping her!! they do represent major chunk of the society’s psyche…
i myself hear adventures done, from my college mates! they love it! with no regrets!
one thing is true.. u cant change the established character/psyche of all the men out there!
one can still instill fear through law of the land.. but then again, india is a flawed democracy.. women, children and the weak are suppressed..
having a clean future generation is the only hope as i assume if the flaw is not corrected.. if its not an utopia..
if there were no offenders, law would be redundant .. and there’s no recorded history with no offenders viz. murderers/rapists/etc anywhere in the world.. even the women in burqas are victims..
July 25th, 2007 at 2:46 am
Couldn’t agree more. But IMO it also depends on how the law and order handles these instances. For example, the dressing sense in any developed city (e.g., Singapore) is far more liberal than any metro city in India, yet eve-teasing instances are rare, and also the fact that if complained, the culprit’s life will not be spared!
If only our law and order can step up to its promises, lot of these behaviours can be brought down significanly. The system just needs to create few examples of strict actions.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Men ‘honk’ at women?….Damn, how bored are they?…i can understand if they tried more, being insolent creeps that they are…but honking???
Methinks its appropriate to whack them and send them into orbit. However, the law thinks otherwise. Since we are ruled by law, we must follow law….but i still say…whack ‘em bast%$ds into orbit, and let ‘em burn during re-entry!
Cheers.
~Pensive
July 25th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Why can’t we have 24×7 electronic & manual surveillance on our streets? - it would definitely deter people from doing this nonsense so blatantly. Take any stretch of road in Bombay, the shops/residences that occupy it generate lacs (if not several crores) of rupees in tax every month, why can’t some of this be put back into safeguarding the citizens? Things would be far better if our women were able to have more faith in the authorities (a quick and harsh response would be nice) & the pervs learned to really fear them.
I don’t know a single girl who doesn’t face such indignities on a regular basis. Nobody’s going to do anything unless they’re met with a single-minded, united opposition and I don’t see that happening, even after something as ghastly as the incident you mentioned. The guys who did this will probably get their due (to pander to the media) but it’s un likely that anything fundamental will be changed.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
After reading this post of yours, I came to know that eve-teasing is this much popular in Mumbai too… Before this I’ve always thought that Mumbai is a very safe city when it come to women and Delhi is Hell for women…
I don’t blame girls for provocating anyone by their dressing coz girls wearing sarees and salwar suits have also been teased and raped… it just depends on the mentality of the criminal…
These criminals shud get some harsh punishment do that in future ppl shud fear from the law before performing any suct act of crime….
July 25th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Hmm.. i wonder why we dont get taser guns in india
July 25th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Hang them, is what I say!!
Curse them with the unforgivable curses (a la Harry Potter - Avada Kedavra being my choice)
This whole thing is a bloody nuisance!! Sock up every guy you see doing this…
Btw, need some advice too….
a friend of mine is very much at unease with a colleague of hers, who I guess is under the illusion that her face is actually 6 inches lower than it really is. How do deal with that jack***?? Any ideas fellas?? Btw, she stays in Delhi and me in Pune.. so can’t turn up there and bash him up!!
July 25th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
I really dont get the delhi/bombay thing when it comes to women being safe or unsafe - they’re unsafe everywhere, even in their homes.
I had a friend in bombay who was groped on a local train, slapped the guy and got slapped back by the guy in return, with everyone watching and doing nothing (!) - and got adviced to get down on the next station and hop on to the ladies’ coach. So much for help from people around.
July 25th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
@Mel,
Did it ever occur to you, that the comment could have been flattery, and to subdue an already jumping hyper girl, getting perturbed about harmless honkings.
Should be a lesson to keep it simple and sweet.
July 26th, 2007 at 8:43 am
mumbai safe for women!!! that is hard to believe
July 26th, 2007 at 10:15 am
as I said a couple of posts ago in my blog, men are pigs! and this is not a city specific phenomenon, but a global one….
being one myself(i mean a man!!) i feel disgusted at what these people do….and also at the audacity of other males who tend to ignore these incidents, stand as innocent bystanders, or refuse to take strict action(the police).
what will happen is, that the good old stranger who would gladly give a lift in his vehicle to a woman stranded on a lonely street and drop her off home safely, will no longer be welcome. honest and good men, who can be trusted, will not be. After all, why would someone?
July 26th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Nice article. But i do not think this is limited to Mumbai alone. I still believe Mumbai is a much safer city then many other around India. At first i thot you were inviting trouble with the title of the article
…. but for all you know you might be ..lol. with a blog as popular as yours and a face that wouldnt be that hard to recognise now … imagine crossing a signal and all the guys go HONK…lol …filmy but funny 
July 26th, 2007 at 11:36 am
You have expressed this common problem which majority of the womens face so well.
I have been facing this problem inspite of me dressing up decently.
I thought of slaping those guy majority of the time but could never dare……to.
I dont know how to tackle this problem.
July 26th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Very well-written Mell. Such men should simply be castrated, so that others think ten times before eyeing women.
July 26th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Nah. Not in schools/colleges. This needs to be taught at home. Both boys and girls need to understand sexism and what creates a hostile, or at the very least, a biased environment.
This post comes at an interesting time. I’ve just been at a conference of geeks, and one of the talks was about a women’s project. The project aims to increase the participation of women in opensource development. There are several such groups (LinuxChix, DebianChix and UbuntuWomen).
The main obstacles to female participation (as stated by women) in such technical fora have been gender bias, and obscene gestures by their male counterparts. Very often though, men don’t realise that they’re being obscene or biased.
I’ve seen a lot of the latter on Indian fora. Men say things that seem quite innocent to them, but from a woman’s point of view would be akin to, “we don’t think you’re good enough for this job, but we’ll let you in since you’re a woman”.
Yeah, one can publish a list of guidelines saying, don’t say this, and don’t do that, but this more importantly needs to be taught to kids while they’re growing up… before they start doing it innocently, and before the confidence bred by lack of resistance turns that innocence into intentional offence.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
mel darling,
just came trotting behind you…. been missing all the fun!
July 27th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Hi,
Fantastic write up.
I would like to emphasis the fact that Asma was dragged under the front wheel of the truck and not the rear wheel.
This technical glitch reduces the intensity of the crime. Under Indian law, even if a man comes under the rear wheel and dies, the culprit can prove it accidental.
July 27th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Asma’s case is one where things went horribly wrong for her as well as for the boys in question. I am pretty sure they were’nt eve-teasing the 10-year old
Asma - Her older sister is a more likely target. And a guy without a license,certainly isn’t skilled enough to trap a girl’s skirt on purpose- It is clearly an accident.
But the harassment that M faced gives food for thought. Men’s brains are hard-wired to interpret the slightest gesture from a woman as an invitation for sex. A little self-awareness training in the early teens will help avoid such behavior later in life.
July 28th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Have you guys heard of The Blank Noise Project (http://blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com/) - they are out there to combat this kind of disgusting behaviour.
July 29th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Actually, in these kind of things, our government is mainly responsible. Our laws are so weak that these guys run away without any problems. If I had things under my control, then I simply would have given them strict punishment but in front of the public. So that people will like them will think 100 times before commiting such crime.
We seriously need a revolution.
Regards,
Deep
P.S.: If possible please put the subscription plugin so that people get email whenver new replies have been posted.
July 29th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
One more point that I missed out. Some people say that girls should not wear tight jeans or show skirts and all, it encourages them. But I do not see this as solution. They are not going to become sadhus, if everyone start wearing the sarees or burkhas. Their mindset is not going to change unless the law punishes them strictly. So according to me, it does not matter if the girl wears short skirts or anything. These guys will always remain same.
July 30th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Excellent writeup and I am in total agreement. Most men need to respect women more. The fact that most just want to get between the jeans, is a sad state of youth. It’s also a basic difference between the thinking of both men and women, but that’s another story altogether.
I think if eve teasing cases were dealt with more strictly and not just waiting for a disaster to happen so that the police can act, every place would be safer. But which woman really goes to the police to complain, they end up being far more dangerous than the hoodlums.
Another point is that women should expose far lesser. Not to curb your freedom, but some of them do get fairly excessive. This doesn’t warrant or give permission to be teased, but neither is it necessary to excite most guys. (Looking at this at a purely othersideofthecoin aspect).
Must make Karate essential for women.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:36 pm
@ Shubham: “Maybe Bombay is a different city.” It is very different from Delhi, mainly in this aspect. I hope both cities get safer for women though. Have no idea if having women politicians has helped this country wrt sexual harassment & molestation but I hope you’re right.
@ Virgo: “its all in the bringing up!” Yes. Agree. Respect for women should be taught first at home - mainly by example - and also in schools & colleges.
@ LiquidOxygen: “it also depends on how the law and order handles these instances.”
Absolutely. If the government were to strictly deal with these guys who harassed Asma & her sister & friend, a good example would be set.
Incidentally, I appreciate Singapore for lots of reasons - one of them is their laws & their moral approach to so many things.
@ M: “Why can’t we have 24×7 electronic & manual surveillance on our streets?” Good suggestion. Who would we make this to though. Seriously?
@ Anshul: “Before this I’ve always thought that Mumbai is a very safe city when it come to women and Delhi is Hell for women” Compared to some of the hell I’ve read women go through in Delhi (gang rapes, in public places, in broad daylight etc), Mumbai IS a safer city.
But just because it is safer than Delhi doesn’t mean we should accept “lesser” harassments without protesting. After all, if the problem is not nipped in the bud it may grow into a full blown epidemic.
@ Racoon: “I had a friend in bombay who was groped on a local train, slapped the guy and got slapped back by the guy in return, with everyone watching and doing nothing (!)”
Most women I know in local trains would help. But sounds like your friend was in a general compartment - and unfortunately cannot speak for the men.
@ Peeyush:
Since you’ve decided to come open, shall I tell the truth about your “fancy” car too?!
@ Ashish: “what will happen is, that the good old stranger who would gladly give a lift in his vehicle to a woman stranded on a lonely street and drop her off home safely, will no longer be welcome”
Yes, and the society at large loses out.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:48 pm
!!! Thank you kindly!
@ Bhavya: “I have been facing this problem inspite of me dressing up decently…I dont know how to tackle this problem.”
If it’s something you need to speak out about to a senior person, do that. Whatever it is, do not keep silent. Tell someone who you think will be in a position to help / guide you to get help.
@ bluesmoon: “This needs to be taught at home. Both boys and girls need to understand sexism and what creates a hostile, or at the very least, a biased environment.”
Absolutely correct. As I just commented to Virgo, it’s first at home - and mainly through example mainly.
Sexism in the job field is a issue that needs to be tackled as well, but I think if one starts with basic respect, everything will take on from there.
@ Ketan: Thx for the information. Was just going by what I had seen in the news & what had been reported in various media.
@ Ashutossh: Yes, they probably were after her sister & friend - but let me tell you, I’ve had men harass me even when I was that little. Don’t think 10 year olds are not easy targets for this, they’re even more so since they are less likely to know how to react.
About the skirt getting entangled, yes probably that was an accident - but they did swerve into the girls on purpose (by which the skirt got entangled in the first place). I’ll also have you know that men on bikes & cycle REGULARLY have swerved into me just to get a reaction or because they probably think it’s “fun”
I’m glad my sharing my experiences has made you think.
@ Silvara: Yes I have. Emailed them but no response unfortunately. Guess they’re busy with more important things, no worries.
@ Deep: “We seriously need a revolution.” Yes, we seriously do.
“If possible please put the subscription plugin so that people get email whenver new replies have been posted.” Will look into it, thx for the suggestion.
“Another point is that women should expose far lesser. Not to curb your freedom, but some of them do get fairly excessive. This doesn’t warrant or give permission to be teased, but neither is it necessary to excite most guys.”
Definitely it’s important to dress correctly for the situation/place. I would never dress in Delhi the way I would in Mumbai or to walk on the roads they way I would when at my club. It’s important to realise as long as they’re sick minded men around, we have to do our best to keep ourselves from being harassed.
July 31st, 2007 at 7:21 pm
I have travelled all over India and to many parts of the world (not boasting). Eve teasing is a global phenomenon.
Bombay however is much better than many other cities in the West. Ladies can walk safely at 12 midnight.
My most disgutting experiences were during my travel by buses in Delhi. Girls/ ladies are groped all over. You have to be a silent spectator being an outsider, as you are likely to be beaten up.
I once felt a young beautiful girl leaning towards me in a bus in Delhi. I moved ahead and she moved forward again. When I turned around I realised that the guy behind her was trying to grope her. I felt sorry for her.
You have to also note that even women grope or seduce men. One of the standard methods, which I also experienced in a bus was when a woman kept shuffling her shawl, till my hand was within the shawl. I had to coil away in disgust.
I beleive Calcutta is safest for women. You can be sure that an eve-teaser would be beaten up badly when caught.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:02 am
just bumped into your blog, looks very neat and adorable.That being said, the problem we’re looking at is more biological than a social one. It’s a biological vicious circle. Man was destined(by nature, not god) to be attracted to woman(or in small minority to other men), the testosterone was the key factor here. If you’d injected testosterone it into your blood you’d know how much society and self control has helped in shaping him into not becoming a serial rapist. So in India, with its victorian puritan culture which it somehow identifies as its own, has a big problem. The majority girls dont get along with well with boys here. The boys have to socialise with women, the evil hormone works its way throught the brain. Thus fuelling the vicious circle. One woman above suggests that we should castrate all those men (i agree they are pricks, but they are humans too). I guess that’ll work coz you’re cutting the testosterone supply there. Perhaps Prez Pratibha Patil might just end up doing that. She’s always wanted that since the 70s
August 1st, 2007 at 10:07 am
This website links to a funny and pretty accurate writeup of what is going on in the guys mind.
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:20 pm
half of the problem is there are too few doers - who would stand up and fight against it … we are all mostly sheep.
in addition to this case (what SICK person would do this to a CHILD - are they even HUMAN?) —
the gateway incident (both the murder of that girl and the recent harassment case) , the stabbing of a girl in Thane, - when do people stop realising the damned depths they have sunk to?
September 4th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
One hand girls (women) advocate freedom of dress and freedom of everything and on the other hand they complain of these happenings. Is this not hypocrisy? all men whether married or unmarried are gropers and molesters. if they get a chance they will do that. though i am a man i suggest some punishments as follows.
1. death penalty for rapes
2. giving lashes in public say 80 lashes and one year rigorous imprisonment for molestation and molestations bid
3. 6 months of jail in case of verbal harassment and diluting an academic year if he is a student.
for all these we should have a good law enforcing agencies. also women should come forward in complaining about this.
lastly i appeal to all my indian girls and womenfolk not to intermingle with men. keep distance and this will help a lot for girls.