Finally made into the doctor’s - for those of you who know my severe-medical-procrastination condition, you’ll know this is a big deal for me.
And as much as I wish I was, NO, I’m not kidding - that’s exactly - word to word - what my doc put on her prescription for me.
I’m to have a “lifestyle modulation“.
Oh for crying out bejeebers.
Firstly, I’m to go to bed early. I happily inform doc that for a whole week now (it’s actually just about 5 days, but) I’ve actually been doing this. 12/12.30 as opposed to 2/2.30am.
And I’ve been getting up early too - I add, “in case you want me to do that too” (Yes, doc does). “I’ve been getting up & going to pray”, with smile.
If I was hoping for doc to be slightly impressed, I was disappointed. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Instead, more what I assume are “lifestyle modulating” questions.
“Do you exercise?”
“Er… I’m not exactly in bad shape… so…”
“No. I want you to sweat.”
Ok. SERIOUSLY, what does one say in answer to THAT question???
Luckily doc doesn’t wait for answer, but offers explanation.
“I want the pores of your skin to open up”.
I might explain at this point, I’m getting not only a derma-gyny consultation but the whole enchilada. This is after all a bloody lifestyle modulation.
“um. Ok”.
Does doc stop. No, indeedy not.
“How much water do you drink?”
I decide to try the ask a question in return trick.
“How much should I drink?” - I have after all perfected the innocent, I’m-so-dumb-help-me look.
“3 litres a day”.
“Seriously, you have GOTTO be kidding!!!”
Deeyam, did I say that out loud?
Yes. And apparently doc’s not kidding. Deeyam again.
“Anything else?”, I ask, wanting only to hear the two letters, N and O. Instead, I hear:
“Chocolates”
“What?”
“How much chocolate do you eat?”
OMG.
“Look doc,” I say, desperate now. Very very desperate. “I don’t do drugs, I don’t do alcohol, I don’t do men (doc had already inquired about my non-existent sex life earlier), don’t take chocolates away from me”
I’m now given long explanations. That somewhat work the guilt into me. Deeyam, deeyam, deeyam. This CANNOT be happening.
But it is. As well as other things. I hear fruits. I give up. I’m in this for the long run after all. Am going to “modulate” my lifestlye as best I can. Sigh.
It’s 12-oh-3 right now. I really should get into bed… so I can get up early (part of the lifestlye modulation, remem?)
But not before I blog about the guy I went out with tonight:
We sang. Really! It was “I can’t live, if living is without you” all the way from Worli Seaface to home in our loudest, worstest(est) voices. Super fun.
Well that’s all. Good night now people. If you think this post isn’t like posts in the past, don’t be surprised. My lifestyle’s being modulated after all. It’s bound to affect ze blog.
Tags: Chocolate, Doctors, Exercise, Fruit, Lifestlye, Modulation, Procrastinate, Skin, Sleep, Water
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July 11th, 2007 at 2:06 am
With all that constraints, you need to start living in an ashram. I did so for 8 days… it wasnt so bad. Let me know, if you want to go there…
July 11th, 2007 at 2:37 am
just to be a devil’s advocate….thinking hypothethically….
How does the doctor know your sexual preferences. Or did she just take it for granted that you would be straight in your sexual preferences.
The point I am trying to make is how some very personal questions by doctors cab be so misleading.
Doctors here in the US actually ask sexual preferences before they check on sexual activity.
July 11th, 2007 at 2:49 am
Mel,
Sorry dear…I don’t know how you exist on little sleep, are you the next wonderwomen?
Hahah…take care and don’t die on us!
July 11th, 2007 at 7:55 am
hehehe! take it easy, girl!
July 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Ok, this is the most hilarious post I’ve read here in a long time. Reminds me of ‘Mean Girls’ and ‘How Opal Mehta …’.
July 11th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Where do these docs come up with such outrageous things as exercise and drinking water! Geez.
“I don’t do drugs, I don’t do alcohol, I don’t do men, don’t take chocolates away from me”
You got your priorities totally wrong
July 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
e heee… get urself a portable steam/sauna bath! easy way to sweat! otherwise u’d have to go jogging early in the morning!
the pores of your skin would open up with the steam bath.. wud give ur skin a shine/glow = = better pictures for me to drool over!
July 11th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Seeing the reactions, am feeling a little sheepish as it seems like the doc just outlined my lifestyle for you!!
July 11th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I am sure you have modulated many others’ lifestyles by singing like that
July 11th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
i’m with Doc on 2 things - 3 liters of water (I do MUCH more!) and exercise. for the early to bed, early to rise modulation, we’ll all have to leave Mumbai and settle in a gaon!
…and cut chocolate? No way. That’s self torture. I have a suggestion. Next time pick a bar of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut. Tell Doc you switched to fruits
July 11th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
whoa! lifestyle modulation eh….?
did u ask the doc to subject himself to a breathalyser test for blood alcohol levels? My bet is that he;s getting himself high on those cough syrup bottles that the med reps give him for free…
most of the time its not our lifestyles that are the problem, but the fact that we think too much about them that is! take it easy, enjoy life…and go have that chocolate fudge without worrying what the doc has to say…
and next time u go to the doc, tell him to take a break and go home early to his wife n kids..and stop drinking too much cough syrup
July 11th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
My my my… someone had a nice time at the docs!!!lol…..
and am a die hard chocaholic!!
al said and done.. he’s right about a few things… though me being me.. am a thorough late latif in matters of gng to sleep and waking up… 0300 hrs to 1200 hrs is normal for me!!
so i sympathise…
good luck with your “lifestyle modulation”
July 13th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
@ Arzan: “How does the doctor know your sexual preferences” - she asked if I had “any sexual activy” and I said none whatsoever, so I guess it didn’t matter one way or the other what my preferences are / were.
@ Katy: Wonderwoman thanks you, loves the nick!! And hugs, not dying anytime quick (I do hope!)
@ Shub: That I am girl, that I am!
@ Bikram: Glad you like! In fact, glad SOMEONE got the humour of the post!
@ Twisted: I know why they call you twisted
July 13th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
@ Anumita: Yay
I’m gonna turn into you!!
@ Lavanya: Well, the male company in my car with me seemed quite modulated
@ Kaushal: !! MUCH more! How much exactly?? And lol to the fruit & nut thing..
@ Ashish: Yes, next time I’ll say “What you want me to drink water?? Are you DRUNK???”
@ Sam: Thank you & thank you.