Hot enough for ya?

A Guest Blog Post by Times of India, Westside Plus’ Nita Deb.

What’s in my head, up and around, inside and outside it, is the heat. Searing through every living moment and encroaching on my soul.

Don’t know where you guys live but here in sunny (and that is not a compliment, not when you have so much of eek sunshine all year round) Mumbai, temperatures of 41 degrees centigrade , along with 90 plus levels of humidity, can just melt the cockles of any person’s heart, including also the muscles, sinew, fibre, fat-clogged arteries and blood-fed veins.

Today, I didn’t need to boil any water for my tea. Just put the kettle out on the window ledge, and it was whistling away merrily in a couple of minutes. What’s that? You think I jest? You just come here, you unbeliever, get your - uh, oh heck, this is Mel’s blog - okay, get your good self down to this city, and see for yourself. Parathas fry sizzling on cemented roads, and curries boil without fire in the potholes (of which there are many; constant roadworks are a source of constant amusement to me, what else to do men, when every road is duggen up (as my son would say)). And brackets within brackets are a direct result of me spending time in the sun while son - note spellings - uses every trick in the book to not come out of the pool. Smart kid.

Mel, how hot is it in the outback? Certainly not as hot as Mumbai is this year, right? By sheer coincidence I have been reading “Down Under” by Bill Bryson, bet you didn’t read it before you left, eh? Should have, you’d have known which places to go to (did you do the Tree Board Walk or swim in Shark Bay?) and which places to avoid (beginning, I guess, with Shark Bay). But hey, do what you must and then come back soon. We all miss you. And in this heat, that’s not such a happy situation….

It’s worst at this time of year, when school’s out, and the kids are in, demanding time and love or tv. Even if it gets to be too much for you, most of the day, you can’t even scream “Now go out and play before you drive me mad!” because it’s just too hot to be outside, and the angry glare of Surya, the Sun God, angry because presumably, somebody dared defy his authority and went outside to play, might just prove to be a little too much for the little ones. In the afternoon, I want a nap, a brief ten minutes when I can close my eyes and pray, for strength, for endurance against the heat, but most often, your naptime is when your kids will need you the most (do I see moms and shared-parenting dads all over the world nod in grim agreement?). In the evening, you want to get back, to cook dinner, but since it’s still fairly light outside, they won’t come, arguing that it’s still day and their playtime. Grrr. But you know, the funny thing is, sometimes I think I’ve reached break-even point, a sort of subtle pun there’s intended, when nothing can really tip my balance. It’s too hot to argue, to plead, even to get angry, and most times I just switch off for a good ten seconds, let my pressure valve gently release some steam, then smile brightly and ask, “ok, so who’s going to be first to finish dinner and get to the ice cream?” and stand back as they all beat a track back to the house.

Little by little, we get cleverer. We devise ways to keep the heat out. Luckily the wise marketers understand the needs of us moms, and bring in new films for us to see with our kids. Most, really, in my opinion are not suitable for kids; too much unnecessary violence resides in even the most common cartoon film, and silly innuendos and clever puns are more suited to the over-15 age group. However once in a while miracles do happen, and you chance upon a film that is not only clean and pure and washed in Pears soap, but also heartwarming, entertaining, and totally enjoyable, with kids age 2 to 99. I’m talking about “Mr Bean on Holiday”- warm, funny, perhaps the only movie around that was really a “wholesome family entertainer”. Fantastic. The husband, kid and I went last Sunday, armed with the largest tub of popcorn they had (humongous, but we still went and got refills during the interval) and happily crunch-crunched our way through it, of course choking occasionally as we tried to laugh and crunch at the same time, but since nobody died (neither in the film nor in real life) it was a most enjoyable evening. Watch it. With a few kids if you can gather them around (a funny movie is always funnier when you have kids rolling on the ground, holding stomachs and erupting with guffaws, all around you, or haven’t you done that before?). The film ends with the entire cast doing a sort of singing the classic La Mer, which has nothing whatsoever to do with Aishwarya’s ex-residence in Bandra, and there, I’ve gone and blown it, I almost made my mark as the only piece of writing that had no mention of the shaadi and then I had to go and spoil it all and mention this…aw, shoot.

I think it’s time to run away, far, far away, yes, to a cooler and greener place. Somewhere like Himachal Pradesh, where I can walk green pastures, amidst snow capped mountains, smell the strange and new scent (to us here in Mumbai) of fresh air, topped with the exhilarating fragrance of pines….Mel, I’m going, I can’t take any more of this heat, this crowd, this disorder. You come back fast and look after your blog, like you do always, with the enthu-for-life stamp that is inimitably, exuberantly you. I’m outta here.

Not sure I remember my high school science but isn’t F -32 /9 = c/5?
Which means 41 degrees {{ heck I can’t seem to find the degree symbol either on my Powerbook G4, can someone tell me how to get to it? }} is approximately equal to (gasp! was it this hot???) 105.8 F. Somebody please tell me my calculation was wrong or I will die from belated realisation of heatstroke…..

Tags: Bombay, Heat, Holidays, Mumbai, Weater