The Voice In My Head…

A Guest Blog Post by Vijay. Click on Image below to visit the author’s blog.

A week or so ago, a thought entered my head. It was about fruits. About their shape actually. Most of them are vague spheroids. Somewhat rough on the outside, even spiky sometimes. The man who first thought of biting into an apple or a pineapple must have been on the brink of desperation. Either that, or they weren’t very discerning back then and ate everything with utter abandon.

But as any detective worth his/her hat and overcoat would tell you, exceptions are the answers to all life’s questions. Think unwieldy fruit. Think exception. Aha!

I did a bit of research (lay on my bed looking at the fan) and came up with this startling revelation. I paid 40 bucks to a time-traveller acquaintance to cross check the facts for me. The news that he brought me from the distant past was sketchy but pretty much confirmed…

My Banana Theory

One fine morning, some time towards the end of the Cretaceous age (roughly 145-66 million years ago), the force field doors to a cloaked alien scout ship open and two aliens from the far end of the neighbouring galaxy step out. They look different from each other but are pretty much humanoid. One explodes into a bout of serious coughing as soon as he is out. The other supports him and helps him sit down.

“I can’t take this planet much longer, Hrrum Kthoom,” says the sick one. “The air is too oxygenated, the vegetation is terrible and the dominant life form is reptilian. There is no hope here.”

He stops for a while and almost dies coughing. Then he continues, “I am surprised they ever got out of the Jurassic age. Let us go back. Let us please go back.”

“We can’t go back just yet Karrum Burroom,” says the one still on his feet. The air affects him too but his mixed parentage helps. His mother was descended from the amphibious races of planet Gellyom. “Our mission requires us to be around for slightly longer.”
Karrum Burroom sighs. Hrrum Kthoom touches his arm. “I have something for you,” he says.

They walk around their ship. Hrrum Kthoom points to something.

“That’s a tree,” Karrum Burroom says.

“It’s a herb actually,” said Hrrum Kthoom. “I made it just for you. I have spent the past moon-cycle looking for a way to make you feel better. I downloaded synthetic fruit formats from the Galactic Net and added what little I know about your physiology and the properties of this planet’s soil.”

Hrrum Kthoom runs to his creation and uses a pole to cause a neat cluster of yellow fruit to fall. He then brings it to his ailing friend.

“See?” said Hrrum Kthoom. “It can be gripped easily. There is a nub on top of each individual fruit that you can use to pull of its protective skin and reveal the potassium rich white flesh. The shape is easy on the mouth, unlike the unwieldy spheroids this planet abounds in,” he stopped to breathe. Then he said, “I hope you like it.”

Karrum Burrom gingerly unpeels the fruit and takes a bite. Then he closes his eyes and breathes, “Potasssium.”

The Potassium clears his system and freshens him. His eyes widen and his joints firm up. Then he notices Hrrum Kthoom has moved in closer. “Burroom,” he speaks the name softly.

Karrum Burroom takes a step back, “We have been through this before. Let us not do it again. You know how I feel about the inter-species thing.”

“I love you Burroom,” said Hrrum Kthoom again, for no useful reason, looking at the forest floor of the wretched planet he stood on.

Karrum Burroom killed an urge to hug his friend. Instead he gently pushed an icy “thank you” in his direction and went back into the ship.

My contact insists this is pretty much how it went. But I can’t deny he lets his imagination run away sometimes. However the romantics of the story do not concern us. The point, hardly in need of proof, is confirmed. The banana is just too user-friendly to have been created by a nature that gave us pineapples to eat.

The Qantas in-flight entertainment system is excellent & I had a large variety of movies to watch on my long flight from Mumbai to Sydney.

First was “Borat - Cultural Learnings for Make Benefit of Glorious Nation of Kazakistan” – while it was funny at certain places (the Kazakh National Anthem had me laughing out loud) and definitely a novel story, I still didn’t find it worth all the fuss & the attention. It was crass and at many points borderline pornographic. In fact I fast-forwarded an entire scene which was seemingly unending even on fast-fwd. On the whole I was not laughing & not impressed.

Next up was “Stranger than Fiction” – and this one I just loved! Will Farrel was so matured in this role unlike the other asinine characters I’ve usually seen him playing. It also stars Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifa & Emma Thompson (who was nothing short of simply superb). The story itself was so unusually different that it had me quite at attention the whole time. And at the end of the day I’m a succor for romantic comedies! Definitely has my thumbs-up for a movie worth watching.

After this I ate my dinner (lamb & veges) & then had a long debate with myself whether I should read / watch TV / catch another movie or sleep. Sleep though as you can see wasn’t high on my priority list & by this time everyone else was sleeping so I didn’t feel like disturbing them with my night light. Between TV & the movies, I chose the movie.

Finally, after more self-debate, this time about which movie I should chose, decided on “The Interpreter”, a drama starring Nicole Kidman & Sean Penn. The story starts out with a clear enough plot – it’s a story about an interpreter in the United Nations (Kidman) who overhears a plot to assassinate the President of another country. A Secret Service Agent (Penn) is then put in charge of the safety of that President. A simple enough plot one might be fooled into thinking at the beginning of the story.

I was very impressed though by the way the story developed both the characters of Kidman & Penn. By the end of the movie, the story was very different than it had been in the beginning. Very interesting stuff indeed; 2 thumbs-up!

Movies Movies

A Guest Blog Post by Jo. Click on Image below to visit the author’s blog.

Right at this moment, the voice in my head asks me to go and sleep for a while.

The train journey I had last night was tiresome. Travelling at night without a confirmed reservation ticket can make you feel really tired.

I love travelling, but in the day time. Every journey is an experience. Every trip has something in store for us to learn, experience or to remind us about many things including the luxuries we have. Sometimes it is funny to hear the gypsy kids singing ” Pal_desee pal_desee jaanaa nagee” without any attention to the words, but in the very next moment it would leave you with a few thoughts. Have those kids eaten today? Is the person with the kids really their parent or a beggar mafia head who makes money using these kids? What are we really doing for the poor ones around us? Do we really care?

Sometimes these musicians would take you completely away. They are a big relief in some of the boring train juorneys. It is really wonderful to see how they run their fingers on the Harmonium keys and play music quite effortlessly. They play amazing fillers between the words. That too instantly.

Gypsy musicians with their kids, some singing and little ones crying out loud…
A group of cheerful youngsters…
An old couple not looking at each other and staring outside the window, bored…
A young couple playfully chatting with each other…
Two kids playing in the compartment and a bored man trying to play with them…
A young man trying to have attention of the beautiful girl in the next cabin and she is pretending not to notice him…
A person who bribes the TTE to have a ‘reserved’ seat at the station…
A noise that you hear that makes you doubt if it was someone who just had his skull smashed in the rails…
A bomb blast…

A train journey is a slice of life.

I’m off to Oz but the voices continue! Stay tuned for the voices of some (infinitely) better bloggers who’ve very kindly agreed to do their bit so that this place will not be without sound ~ so, for the very first time

TVIMH will feature guest bloggers

& I’m pretty excited about it!

As for me, all my bags are not packed - and I’m not ready to go - and these are the questions in my head right now:

* Why does John Denver play in my head every time someone takes a flight?
* Why is it that half your weight (or in my case, more than half) consists of gifts one’s taking for other people?
* What should I wear? (well this is a common question on my mind)
help

My dear friend Bex called & said “You control freak you, you must have been all packed and ready last week, right?” Well not exactly last week but everything’s done. This is the way I like things - easy & peaceful towards the end, no crazy running around I-didn’t-pack-this or I-forgot-those episodes.

And soon I’ll be off… you know what you guys have gotta do…

Will try & catch up with you guys soon.

Until then, enjoy my guest blogger’s voices!

Yes, that’s what I’m gonna be doing while most of the men (& women!) in Mumbai move their heads left to right trying to keep up with Shakira’s hips.

If however any of you do remember, cast your eyes on the skies above (yeah, right). I’m off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.

I’m thinking if I don’t get a chance to meet him, I might as well make the most of my trip & see as much of Australia as I can.

I will try & post some entries here too (assuming I have something non-travelly to say & that I have the time/resources to post it) but you could stay tuned to my (mis?)adventures at My Travel Blog where I hopefully will post regularly.

It’s 1 in the morning (yaawn) & I’m only just about finishing up at work (the things one has to do before going on leave!). Thought I’d share this fabulous view of the Sunset at Marine Drive. Didn’t have the heart to scale down the picture too much, it really was breath-taking.

(click on image below to enlarge)

One of the things I miss most in Mumbai are the freehand painted hoardings we used to see all over before flex came about.

Some of them very good, some were so-so but all of them were brilliant when one thought of the way they reproduced off a photograph onto a 20 foot x 20 foot hoarding with great likeness - enough for everyone to identify all the actors!

As I pay tribute to a truly fantastic rangoli artist I met (& watched in action) yesterday (see my new page “The Evolution of a Rangoli“) I cannot help but remember all these brilliantly talented people who perhaps are a dying breed.

… that’s what this future predicting talking parrot told me today.

Let me at this point state that I don’t believe in luck. I believe that all good things are blessings from the Lord. I also don’t believe in future predicting talking parrots. What then was I doing fondling a future predicting talking parrot? It’s a long story and irrevelant to my point, so I shall continue.

I had had a very long day - which started out early (my worst kind of work days), continued so-so with in between some good news. Then it suddenly took a nose dive for terrible. And then happiness crept back almost before I realised it - In spite of everything, it turned out to be a great fun day.

A friend of mine was talking to me on my way home & when I told him about the parrot he asked me if the day indeed had been lucky - and though it had ended on a good note - it was still somehow not a day I thought I could term as lucky.

But then as I entered my prayer meeting (making it on time was a miracle in itself!) - I realised something that I hadn’t before - today I had a great sense of closure with something I had been struggling with for sometime now. It had all happened so quickly that I almost didn’t realise it till I did.

And then, ahhh!

I still don’t believe in future predicting talking parrots. But I do believe that God can use anyone & anything to tell us things - yes, even talking parrots, lol.

And I think the parrot may have just gotten this right. For the closure happened in a way that all concerned parties were in agreement. A “lucky” day indeed.

Thank you God. And God bless us all.

Further to this, took Ajay out for dinner. We finally decided on Gondolas (after riding halfway to Juhu & back).

Gondola is the restaurant just next to Soul Fry, the venue of our last open blog meet & seeing it did bring back all the meet memories!

Gondola has been a place I’ve frequented over the years. There used to be a time (waaaay back when I was in college) that I used to go there as often as once a week - often with a different guy each time I’m convinced the management thinks there’s something shady about me, lol!

Anyway the place has been recently renovated & prices increased (as to be expected after a renovation). The steaks are now on an average of INR 250/- We decided to Chinese food though as neither of us felt like going through an entire steak. Aj’s review here.

Sunday had brunch with gang to celebrate Geh’s birthday (now belated because we can never coincide dates). Went to NSCI, the Viceroy.

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What is it about celebrities that makes otherwise normal people go GA-GA-GOO-GOO-I-WANNA-PIC-WITH-YOU??

I’ve always prided “Us Bombay People” with not being “bitten by the celebrity bug” disease like so many non-Bombayites seem to be.

Of course when I say “Us Bombay People”, I refer to people like me. The city is also home to those people who do worship stars (tsk tsk) and are open about it. These people we shall refer to as ‘Janta’ from this point.

The Janta will be spotted at any given moment outside Salman Khan’s house (trust me, I do not tell a lie) waiting in hope that our bare-chested hero may suddenly come out & flex his muscles for the crowd. And of course, Salman being Salman does just that. On weekends there is Janta galore and we ‘normal’ folks usually end up muttering under our breath about how the Janta pollute ‘our’ roads & block traffic (yes I know, very noble of us, indeed)

I think it’s something to do with the fact that living in Bollywood (which seriously, imo, is the worst rip-off in the history of names) we tend to see so many celebrities regularly - when shopping, when at movies, when dining out, when partying.

It’s no wonder then that we sorta get immune to the whole thing.

Though honestly, immune we are not. Even we so-called “I’m above it alls” sometimes are in awe of these demi-Gods.

I know I’ve personally been dying to gape at, sometimes with mouth wide open, at some celebs when at close quarters but instead have chosen to ignore them in true Bombay “Whateva” style.

Yesterday I ran into Kamal Sidhu at the Taj. My very first instinct (as a good normal woman I think) was to size her up & down, take in everything - if you men are laboring under the misconception that only you size up good looking women, forget it. We women not only size up other women too, but (like everything else) we do it better. In a moment (while you’re still staring at her breasts) we’ve noticed what label she’s wearing, whether her bag matches her shoes & how many kilos she’s put on since the last time.

Back to Kamal though – she was ’skinny-to-slim’ and looked half the size she does on TV (yeah, apparently the camera does add 10 pounds). I should mention at this point, I do not know Kamal Sidhu, I have never met, never spoken with her. I’m not even sure if her surname is Sidhu or Siddhu.

Yet when I ran into her I felt like smiling at her – a common reaction I suppose – we feel like we know these people after having seen them so often. We don’t realize they’ve never seen the awkwardly smiling person opposite them.

I even had the brief fleeting impulse to ask her to take a picture with me to post her on the blog. That moment mercifully passed before I blinked and I went back to my normal Bombay self. I’m sure Kamal Siddhu had better things to do than oblige a ‘fan’ who really wasn’t even a fan.

At the last fashion show I attended (about two weeks ago) I wasn’t so sensible. I took lots of pictures of the (male!) models there & even posed for a pic with one (very very) gorgeous one of them.

But when I got back home I realized that all that was so very superficial. I don’t know that guy – in fact though he’s an established “big name” I had barely heard of him before! Why did I want to take a picture with him? To show others that I know him? Or that I was “fortunate” enough to run into him & whip out my camera in time?

I don’t know. Somehow that’s not the person I want to be.

So the male model & me pic didn’t get put up here. Just like Kamal was spared unnecessary hassle.

I happy to announce that:
(01) I’m completely 100% back to my normal Bombay self.
(02) Any celebrity you have seen (or will see) here on the blog knows me personally & was not injured in any way while taking the pic.
(03) And that I don’t value those pictures more than the ones with my ‘regular’ friends.

In ending, I’ll pay tribute to the only person I’ve ever really asked for a pic - Rahul Dravid. Despite all my inbuilt Bombay attitude, I don’t regret it.

Perhaps even I’m not completely above celebrity worship.