May 12 2006
Weirdass Proposal Story
Ok, I promised it & here it is. Just don’t go shooting me with no virtual guns if it ain’t as entertaining as you thought it might be (perhaps you just had to be there like I was!). So here goes:
Remember all those horror movies which say….
…. this is my own private story.
Flashback Saturday 6th May. It’s a peaceful day, I’m all alone at home & just lounging around doing nothing much. The stage is set.
{{{{{{{{{{{TRING TRING}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
“Hello?”
“Is that **?” (woman on the other end asks for my mother)
“No she’s not at home, may I know who’s calling?’
“Ah! (loudly) is that Melody then?”
“Yes (I’m still trying to figure out who this woman is), may I know who’s calling?”
“I’m ** (tells me her name) Then a split second later says: you don’t know me”
Before I can say anything, she continues
“I’m a friend of **” (another name) but you don’t know her either”
I’m thinking Geez woman what the heck do you want with me????
I say ” Can I help you with something?”
She goes “HAHAHAHAHA” (I’m more put off that anything now, hate dealing with weird people). “I think I can help you”.
???
“You see I have a boy for you”
I’m totally speechless by this point. Last thing I expected from weirdo aunty is to start matchmaking on the phone. Don’t know if she interpreted my silence as a Go Ahead, but from this point she was almost unstopable & I almost couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
“You see I’m not a matchmaker - though I have done this before - and that worked out pretty well - I’m actually really good - I’m just doing this to help people - And ** mentioned to me that you were not married and this boy is really good - I wonder who told ** you were not married - perhaps your mother approached her?” (I wanted to say my mother never has & never will go to matchmakers, but as I said, couldn’t get a word in)
Madam continued:
“But I don’t need to talk to your mother - we can talk as friends - today anything goes - The boy’s a ** (tells me his profession) and he stays in ** (names area of place in Bbay) - he has a pretty big house too (perhaps I’m supposed to oooh ahhh at this point?) - oh by the way, what are you supposed to be? - not that it matters nowadays - but what are you supposed to be?”
Madam actually stops now.
I’m actually unsure of what to say (kudos to m’am; not many ppl have managed that feat!)
I repeat: “What am I supposed to be???” - my eyebrows are sky-high.
“Yes, not that it matters. The boy’s a ** (tells me his cast - I understand now what she was asking for) - what are you supposed to be? (I’m dying to say something like - I’m supposed to be Goan but I’m a kickass Mangalorean with some East-Indian Anglo blood, but I can’t because she’s still not letting me speak)
Not waiting for an answer to her question, she fires another one at me “And what level of education have you completed?”
I must have been lulled by her persistent voice, because I answer almost obediently “I’m an M.Com”
“ooooohh, ooookkkk (all said very very sorrowfully), ookkk this is not a problem (though by her tone implying this is a BIG GIGANTIC problem).”
“This is not a problem?” I repeat … I’m almost laughing now 
“No no, he’s a ** (repeats profession of boy), so naturally he wants a highly educated girl, you know not some SSC type”
Now I want to totally whack weirdass aunty.
“An M.Com,” (I say, in a most dignified manner) “is a Masters degree in Commerce. You can do one only after a Bachelor’s degree. In any case (now I’m just plain showing off, my pride’s taking a beating after all) I’m doing a second Masters and probably a PhD after that” (at this point, let me mention, chances of my PhD are slim to nothing)
“A PhD?” she asks.
“Yes” I say & want to press her under my thumb.
“Oh in that case you’ll want to stay in Bombay beyond May”
HUH????
Aloud: “Sorry?”
“He’s leaving for Australia on the ** of May”
The crazy woman apparently wants me to marry boy I have never met, in less than a month, and then go off to Australia with him!!! Help me Lord.
“I’m not looking at going out of Bombay” I say trying to shut her up once for all. Unfortunately, again I fail.
“What??!”
She goes a tad psycho on me now… Her voice gets a little tough…
“Listen, I don’t know you, but you should think this through, the boy’s a very good boy, he’s…”
I actually cut the woman off now…. (who does she think she’s getting tough with ??!!)
“I am absolutely not interested in leaving Bombay”.
“Ok fine. Then let’s call the whole thing off right now” (what whole thing - and what was on to be called off???)
“Ok!” I say - anything to get her off the phone!
She hangs up phone.
And then after a few seconds I burst out laughing till my sides hurt.
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Wonder how Aunty… or the boy for that matter would say if they knew you were a blogger.
I meant ‘react’. Alternatively, you may also replace the ‘how’ with a ‘what’.
I am the first one to reply, yeeee haaaaaaa , this is my first time ever
on any site. anyway, it would be really be rude of me to not comment on
this thought provoking aunty lol , i was really worried that their breed has
gone out of existence. Thanks to these kind of people life is never boring.
btw, just out of curiosity, have you considered giving a shot to be the
foodie critic of Sidin’s new online mag.
I too had a one time experience - though low-profile
but with some relative being involved I couldn’t even tell them off
God save ourself
(comment partially edited by admin)
hmmm…. nothing more from Aunty after that?
Oh, and did she mention how much he expect as dowry??
@ Donmaths: Welcome - Glad to have you here! Sorry Vijay’s & your comments were under approval so you weren’t the first to reply, but stick around, am sure that dubious pleasure will be yours eventually
The “thought provoking aunty” as you call her, lol, really did hassle the heck out of me, but you’re absolutely right, life is so much more colorful thanks to people like her.
Abt Sidin - don’t know if I have time to contribute to yet another place - am all streched out as it is.
@ Ashish:Hey there - first I thought you were Ashish from Coherent rambling, he’s been around this place a while now. You, as I can see though are a different Ashish, so welcome to the blog. Will now swing by your place & see how you ‘reckon life’
Incidentally about the relatives, know what you mean, it’s bad enough when these people are strangers but with relatives you have to be all polite & thank them for “doing you a favor”! Sigh.
@ Ajay: Nutto, wouldn’t you be among the firsts to know if there was? PS: How come the big Fanaa date was cancelled today with yours??
@ Jo: Lol… believe it or not, this post is almost word to word of the conversation that happened (nothing added by me to spice it up). Who knows though, maybe she would have asked me to fund his Australia trip or something??!
well to think of it, how considerate aunties you have..
i bet she’ll call again, this time trying to fix you up with someone goin to GitMo bay for life..ha ha ha
Hmmm…what interesting lives you city dwellers lead..
Hey, this reminds me of a proposal that came for me… my mom picked up the phone…
On second thought, I think I’ll write a post about it myself.
I’m running out of topics on my blog. 
Check it out.. later (if I get around to it).
Ahhh if only i got a penny for every time I went through one of ‘those’ kind of calls or meetings…I’d probably be a millionaire…lol
But in retorspect it always makes good laughing material
noojes
And thank you, but don’t think the woman will call again, nor do I want her to!
@ Lothario: Why is it different for you non city dwellers? No meddling women? No pushy matchmakers? If so you guys are very blessed!
@ dev: copy cat killed the rat, Sunday Monday eat the rat
@ Noojes: You’ve gone through that more than once? I’ve gotten phone proposals as well but mercifully no one was as psycho as this woman! And yeah it makes for a great laugh.
Irritatin while she was, hehe, I did kind of get biased at the Australia point. Been here since the last 3 months now and wud have loved to c a frndly face around. or rather two. ROFL but married and leavin for abroad with a guy u never met before , and all done in a month? What breed of matchmaker is she - dint know there were those speed dating kinds of match makers too.
This is faster than speed dating!
I wonder what the dude will do in Oz without a maid…
Mel, I have a cousin who is willing to settle in Bombay (oooh!). Will u marry him, pretty please??? He is an MCom too! Plz plz, he is handsome also, just like yr ‘Greek God’
LOL!
in fact, ROFL!!!!!
Am not leaving Bombay any time soon though.
Must have been some other auntie.
This story needs to be digged…. Hilarious..
tele-marketing of a higher order..
@ SloganMurugan: heheh… maybe the woman will find him someone by then??
@ Aparna: oooohhh aaaah… (ouch)
@ Vijay: Well apparently the dude’s educated more than ten people together so had kinda figured it wasn’t you
@ tony: I have always disliked tele-marketing. You know how they always manage to call you on your cell in the afternoon by around 1 - 2 pm “Personal Loan” NO I AM NOT INTERESTED… Aunty could easily get a job there.
Errr… Thanks… I think. I am fairly well educated though.
LOL!!
somehow the last two times I commented on your blog.. i’ve been laughing…
you know u really ought to be careful.. my sides hurt now… again…
ROFL…
kinda feel sorry for the chap.. turned down all because he was leaving the country in a month…
well the confusion is up to you to sort out….though u can also call me calvin!!
though I cannot understand, why can’t people leave unmarried humans alone. sometimes i think i m gonna do this:
“On every wedding I attend, my old aunts used to say ‘you’re next, you’re next’. They stopped doing so when I started saying the same thing to them at funerals” - source unknown
lol…funny post, funny comment, funny auntie….u shud have atleast taken the phone number of the guy from the auntie and checked him out…that way we wud have been reading another funny post…and u never know when the cupid strikes…hey hey hey
@ Ashish: Okey, Calvin it is. Which now explains the little Calvin on your blog. Aunties worrying you too?
@ Sherriff: Thx but no way I wanted to prolong the agony with scary woman. And trust me, am so in no hurry for cupid to strike. Not that I don’t want it, but let time take it’s course, don’t want to be pushed into anything.
wow just imagine moley married in may and off to australia. u should hv least checked the guy out.anyway nw its melo turns after her sis. so what b4 i leave will i meet the MAN? bt dontu get married b4 i do.make sure its around jan’07. i dont wanna miss yr weddin.
“banging the head on a wall” As soon as I saw the ‘ur comment
would be moderated and you would be made to look like a fool’
message I knew that this would happen.In my life I have always
found out,to my peril,that whether or not Newton’s laws work,
Murphy’s laws always work unfailingly.Its high time that I started
working on that “Zen and the art of making a Jack Ass of oneself”
book.
IMNSHO you should have dangled the carrots and made the aunty
reveal the dowery expectations, or atleast tape the conversation
and podcast it.
Yep, word gets around, I like what you’ve done with the blog. So…’moley’, there’ll be no flitting off to Australia until sailorboy eli comes home ok? Unless ofcourse you can make do with a dec wedding?? Same venue, different date?? Gladden a matchmaker’s heart wont you
?
oh well they are….but i sometimes give them replies they frown to, and i die laughing just lookin at their faces….
if i remem one of my replies i’ll let you know so u can use them too….
yes that is a sad song.. but so far i dont think its happening with u!
Hoo haa haa! Liked the genius bit
LOL… Wouldn’t you rather pick up the phone and hear -
*creepy voice* “Hello Melody… Do you like scary movies?”
Thx for your NSHO, though not sure the world is ready for “The Aunty”, horror of horrors, yet. Wonder if I’d get a PG or A rating, hmmmm?
@ Clint: Word gets around? Pls. don’t do your bit to pass it around more, thx!
Yup, Moley’s not walking off to Oz or anywhere else in a hurry. Come to think of it, next person Moley’s walking down the aisle with will be YOU!!!!!!
@ Ashish: Thx, will appreciate it
@ gps: Merci. I think.
@ Van: So Van the Man, when you calling me up?
i give you a very understanding,totally approving nod,
my head is shakking with such vigourous movements that i guess i can pour out a glass of brain shake soon.
well, well, ain’t I the lucky one? Wonder how Cutey will react to that moment? Damage control needed. Mum’s the word on the blog..I’m just enjoying getting an insight into Moley’s enchanting persona…
@ Clint: Glad you’re enjoying the “insight into Moley’s enchanting persona”. Will make our trip down the aisle (& following moments) all the more fun
… though I know you’re gonna ditch me for Cutey at the first moment… Sigh.
Stop flirting already, you’re too old for me Princess.
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do
Good for you girl. You should have told her to **** *** early in the conversation. I don’t see why any Indian woman of this age should put up with this…
@ Elizabeth: Lol, most of these “aunty” types are actually well meaning, that’s the irritating part… you can’t yell at them even if you feel like at the time!
Let me at this point re-iterate that any boy who is on his way to Australia obvoiusly is very smart. In addition to that he’s a **. In my experience al **’s are always good catches. Its the ****’s that you have to worry about. I suggest that since May is not yet up, you hasten and make a phone call to said Aunty and beg her to give you the boys phone number. Also make sure you use your connections and have a marriage registration ASAP. The rest will work itself out. He’s a ** after all!
Incidentally, is your hubby a **** ?
Now If that wasn’t weird, I wonder what is. Jeez. I think you should get your phone bill, find the number she called from, trace the number to a house and bust a cap in her … u kjnow what
.
Just joking though, that’s way to extreme, even for me but she does need someone to put her in her place. I’ll leave that up to you now eh!!
This reality stuff is scary.
That was pretty funny! Lol, thanks for the pick me up, I needed that.
@ MrSkin (or is it MrsKin ??): Yeah reality is weirder than fiction at times!! Am glad it made you smile
Ha ha…I had a reverse situation. I had the girl herself asking questions. Some snippets for your amusement-
So, you are not settled in life, is it? (very disappointed tone)
-What kinda car do you drive?
~I don’t drive a car.
-OH!
~Hmmm…well if I have to drive a car to be settled, yeah, I am not really settled.
-How do you commute to work then?
~My driver drives my car (wicked tone)
-How much do you earn?
~Enough (of asking me such intrusive questions)
-(obviously not getting the point) How much is ‘enough’?
~Enough to keep me happy.
-(more credit for perseverance) How much is enough to keep you happy!
~19-35 (Random digits with no units)
-Oh ok. Cool.
(I scratched my head)
-Could you send me your bio-data?
~A what?
-Your biodata!
~I already have a job.
-(not getting the sarcasm) Could you please send it to me!
[Alright, too lengthy a comment, this one. Oh well. I am talkative.]
btw, what kinda car does your driver drive??
That’s a confusing question, as I do not know what direction you are pointing to.
-My driver used to drive a X. He used to drive me around in a Y. For the past 4 months, I have been driving my Z. What are you interested in?
XYZ, oh dear me.
If only the little girl had hung around she’d see
that not one car has Brad, but 3
As for me?….
Not interested at all, you see?.
Eh? You expressed an interest in the first place by popping the question! And now you say that you are not interested at all. Hmmm. Oh well.
What difference does that make! (Or would you want me to generalize and put you in the cliched genre of not-interested-in-cars genre)
And just fyi, love cars, bikes, speed and men who drive/ride them. And many other men in general.
Must continue this elsewhere as we’re completely off the topic now.
Yep, totally off the topic. Continue this elsewhere…hmmm…How does some Sunday evening sound to you!
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re off to Australia. Manifest Destiny?
Like this is so weird!!!
ROFLMAO!!! sheesh…. gawd!! can’t stop laughing myself…..
i wonder how many such incident have you dealt with??
OH
I’m a Mangalorean as well!